Must start by saying skip to the end if you don’t have time because the last paragraph is what you truly need to read
NOW…..Hello to all of you – well whoever is there…I have been gone quite some time! Instead of writing a blog everyday I am going to aim for once or twice a week. My life is absolutely insane right now and so for now that is my goal.
I decided to take a break because I knew I needed it. NOT from you or from writing but I knew some things in my life had to be dropped while I get my ducks in a row. I had to start by doing what was necessary to conquer a lot in my life. Writing was taking time away from me and things around me so I took a step back. I am pulled in so many different directions I could scream sometimes! Example: Saturday morning I have to be at church from 10-12 to help prepare for the kids Christmas program and then after I have to decorate the parish hall for the Sunday school Christmas party the next morning. When I leave there the boys and Russell are helping with parade and are riding the fire truck in the parade. After that we have the young professionals Christmas pub crawl..yes we have to go since Russell is the one who started young professionals back up. Sunday we have church, Christmas party, hair appointment, then back to church to prepare for the program, then the program AND the church potluck supper (which I signed up to help with as well) I KNOW WHAT WAS I THINKING, RIGHT? haha
I have fifty things on my list and it is hard to leave work to run errands that need to be done, as well as building the house, and taking care of my body. So I have been a touched depressed. Didn’t want to admit it but this year has been a hard year. We have had a scare with his skull (which is finally rearranged itself thank you lord) and little bumps along the way from throwing up for a couple of weeks with his formula to everything else. A few weeks ago we had to go to Le bonheur Children’s Hospital for Grey they thought he might be having seizures but he is just having tremors which is great news. The same week he got his tubes because he has had double ear infections for 8 weeks straight. Beck had to get two allergy test done that same week which doesn’t sound bad but the back test wasn’t what was terrible they had to bring in 5 shots for his arms. Noah is in the terrible two’s but also learned a lot of his allergy meds and so forth are making him mean. We finally got that straightened out for the most part. I need to get an artwork for charity ball by the first of January and I am just frozen with what and how I want to create. The pressure always makes it worse when creating. Russ has been out-of-town quite a bit and I just felt like an anvil was on my chest. Still feel like I have so many things on me but I just keep breathing and telling myself THINGS COULD be a lot WORSE! Your things are petty little things and be glad that things always come okay! I tell myself be glad you have hands and your brain is creative enough to paint, be glad it isn’t seizures and it is just tremors, be glad his skull could adjust by just putting pressure on it and not having to have surgery or a helmet, be glad your children are all alive to at least feel the shots or take the allergy meds. I am sure parents of deceased kids would say that..those shots would have been sad but at least your child is alive, it is just shots. It isn’t just the 1 thing it is all things overlapping and adding up that make it stressful but I have to be the one to knock that tower down. I have to say okay conquered that problem move to the next one and take it down. I just have to focus on what is right now and take care of it.
It didn’t dawn on me until the other day but I think I am depressed because I am so tired. My mom said her friend was telling her she was depressed and she finally figured it out she was working so hard and long that she was absolutely exhausted and it was affecting her mentally. So she cut back on her hours at work and ever since she has gotten more rest she is much better. I think mine is that. Mom of 3 young boys who works, works outs, is active in the community and church and then WHAM there is nothing left at the end of the day. Ever feel like that???? GOING GOING GOING GONE! I know A LOT OF US FEEL LIKE THAT!!! AND so when I feel down or discouraged I talk to myself. I give myself pep talks and I look at others around me so I remember to be thankful. I have a wonderful life that God has given me to live. He doesn’t want me to live it sad, unhappy, worried, stressed, mad or whatever. He wants us to be loving, joyful, caring and compassionate! So I am taking my frown and turning it upside down!
This post isn’t a WHINE post – though I would like some more cheese 😉
I am feeling so great in the physical department! I am down to 152 pounds! Yes I know 152 sounds like a lot to you but I am just heavy – get it from my dad! I am down almost 13 pounds- once again not a lot but I am super happy and that is all that matters! Working my booty off and eating as healthy as possible! So happy and proud of my progress!
This post is to tell you WE ALL FEEL LIKE THIS. We have these moments that are absolutely insane and we have trouble breathing. That is when I lean on the lord and beg him for help. I don’t ask him WHY or get mad at him….I ASK HIM FOR HELP!!! I wake up almost everyday and at some point tell him thank you. THANK YOU! You let me wake up, my family is safe and healthy and happy. The lord wants you to need him like he needs you. He is our father. Just like we as parents want our children to talk to us, laugh with us, hug us, and feel safe in our arms. He wants the same thing. He is our father. He wants to laugh, talk, and so on with us. He wants to help solve our problems. How can he solve our problems or help us to deal with our problems when we don’t talk to him or ask him to help us deal? He can’t. Just like I can’t help my sons if they don’t ask or let me know what is going on. If we don’t have a relationship then I can’t be there to support them. They need the support just like I need support. I always remind myself if life was perfect why would we need heaven or the lord? Life isn’t going to be a cake walk but it can be a really good roller coaster ride if you don’t close your eyes and cower. Throw your hands in the air, open those eyes, and smile from ear to ear because you can go through the up and downs when you have God on your side.