As I write this post I have 2 Thomas the trains and a Percy going in, out, and around my feet. I am sitting at our kitchen table in our very tiny condo having a yummy vanilla latte! The espresso machine Russell got me I can honestly say has been the best gift he could ever get me, yep even better than a big diamond! ha That is when you know you’re a tired mom!
Last week was pretty stressful for us as a family. I can’t help but be so happy and grateful. I am not even mad my kids are up at 5:00 am on the dot. Normally 5:00 isn’t terrible but it is quite bad when you are up all night feeding a little plump pig. I got up to feed Grey and I did it eagerly. Don’t get me wrong I was extremely tired but I was so grateful that my son was there alive and breathing. I fed him and rocked him just smelling his baby scent, listening to his baby sounds, and admiring all of his tiny parts. One day he won’t be this tiny. One day he won’t cry and need me to feed him a bottle. So these late night feedings seem like they last forever but they don’t. I try to keep that in mind with anything the boys do and I am overly worn out. In a blink of an eye I will turn around and they will be at college, getting married, or having their own children. These are the best of times and we need to learn to appreciate these times and live in the moment. Too many of us look ahead or behind. We look at what is next in our life or we focus on what happened in the past. We also focus on what we are getting or what we want to buy next. Anyways back to my point of this post…..
When Grey was born I noticed a slight lump in his head. I also didn’t see his top soft spot. I figured it was his skull because I was in labor and babies head adjust even though I had a section I was in labor for quite some time. I thought it would go away after a bit. The lump was very hard to see because of the angle but also his other side was a little swollen which is normal. The lump has to be caught in the right light at the right angle. I kept a watch on it over the next few weeks and it remained there. I began to worry and decided I would make an appointment with his doctor. Well good call on my part. She couldn’t see or feel his back soft spot, the top soft spot was very tiny and she was worried about his sutures. She was quite worried his head was fusing together to early and sent us for skull x-rays. She had the radiologist read them that night and called me. When I answered the phone Russell was gone on a fire call, I was in the middle of feeding the baby and the boys were suppose to be in bed. Noah was hollering he was tired and Grey was crying because he wanted to eat the rest of his bottle. I was having a hard time hearing but they both were very displeased with what they were seeing. Things were not looking good. She wanted a CT Scan. I received a call from her house the next morning she had been reviewing everything and she said no need in even doing the scan the x-rays were terrible and we needed to go to a neurologist. She set us up with an appointment in Memphis to see a pediatric neurologist. I get a call a bit later that says to go to the hospital she decided we would get the scan because they would need it in Memphis anyways. I also forgot to add he started projectile vomiting on Tuesday, not feeding well, very sleepy and just not himself… perfect timing since I already had an appointment on Wednesday.
Now let me go ahead and say prayers had been going by this point. Not only our close family but word had spread and we were on prayer lists not just in our town but also a few towns around us. After she called I just broke down crying. All I could think was brain damage, how many surgeries would we end up with, or would he die on the table?I had my freak out moment and then I kicked into fight mode. The next few days I was working on adrenaline. I was figuring out what our next steps would be and what all I would do to ensure he was okay. If I had to do mental or physical exercise everyday I would. I would do whatever it took to give him good life. I always said I couldn’t have a special needs child because I didn’t think we could handle it. This ordeal made me realize you just do it. You just deal. God doesn’t give you anything you can’t handle is what kept coming to my mind.
We went to the hospital to get his CT Scan. We wouldn’t hear anything that night. The next morning he vomits on me again and I decided to look up if it is in correlation to this skull issue. Yep, when the brain has too much pressure they projectile vomit, poor feeding, irritable, sleepy, and an increased head circumference. At his two-week appointment he was 36 and at the appointment Wednesday he was 38 so I was worried! So I called and the doctor wasn’t in yet but I was told to come in immediately. We packed some bags quickly just in case we had to go to the hospital and headed out. The radiologists and the doctor had met that morning. The CT Scan looked great…yes you heard me it looked good!! WHAT?!?! She still wants us to see the neurologist to double-check and to see what that lump is on the side of his head. Poor grey had to get multiple blood works, they pumped his stomach, and he had to do an upper GI test. He had been to the hospital 3 days in row with all kinds of test, he was exhausted. She can’t figure out what the cause is. He has been on his formula and been doing fine. We are doing everything we can for his reflux. He is already on adult prescription prevacid and we are doing everything LeBonheur told us to do with Beck when he had it. We are changing formulas to see if something has developed and trying soy. I told Russell things could be worse. YES, they are pretty bad but there is somebody out there in this world that is having a harder time than us. Take the focus off of poor us and know that there is suffering all over the world in different forms. It is bad but it could be worse!
This week we see the neurologist and I am praying that his diagnosis stays good. God is Good and prayer works. It went from this is horrible to this is looking really good in the matter of a couple of days! I never blamed God through any of this. I leaned on him and asked him for strength. I didn’t question him and still don’t question the situation. Some people get mad and question why God would let this happen or do this. God didn’t do anything. Like I was telling Russell and I always say this. If God healed everybody in the world and everything was good with no suffering why would we need heaven or God? Why would we want to go to heaven and be with God? We would be living in heaven essentially because life would be great. God doesn’t like looking down on us and seeing us suffer. He doesn’t like it when we are sad or upset. Just like we suffer when our children suffer. He is our father. If we are upset or worried he feels it as well. He is a parent and understands everything we feel EXCEPT he never gets a break. He has billions of children so he constantly is having to look down and his heart breaks. Instead of asking for strength, now I simply tell him THANK YOU. We are not clear yet but it is looking really good and that is nice to have that hope that all is well!
GOD IS GOOD